Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
