I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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