Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the liver wants what the liver wants
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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