Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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