i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he fucked my hip out of place.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
