either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
