My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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