i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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