He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
