Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
