I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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