I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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