I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
