We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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