You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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