I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
