No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
