I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
