Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
