i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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