Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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