i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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