so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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