i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you still have your period?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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