Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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