I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
