I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize