my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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