Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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