Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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