My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
