take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
