Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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