Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
