Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
