Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
