Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
