he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
