Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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