i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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