how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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