remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
