shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
