i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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