being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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