this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
