Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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