Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
