i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
