I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
