I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so let's talk penis.
it's like iHOP with fire
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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