yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
