The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
