I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
