My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
