so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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