I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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