He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
