Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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