I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
