I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize