I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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