so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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